AUSTRIA – In a secret swap on the tarmac of the Vienna airport, Russia and the United States returned their respective spies: Vladmir Putin and Sarah Palin.
PhD APE TO COUNSEL MCCAIN FOLLOWING HISTORIC LOSS
PHOENIX, AZ – After losing the 2008 presidential election by nearly 200 electoral votes and nearly six percent of the popular vote, Senator John McCain is understandably in very low spirits.
ALIEN WEEPS FOR MCCAIN LOSS
PHOENIX, AZ – The Alien is in remorse over his first ever incorrect presidential endorsement.
UPDATE: MCCAIN ACCEPTS ENDORSEMENT!
BREAKING NEWS: McCain has proudly accepted the Alien’s endorsement!
MCCAIN EBAYS GOVERNMENT SECRETS
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In an attempt to boost his chances, McCain offered to fix the economy by selling secret government artifacts on Ebay.
ICE QUEEN CINDY MCCAIN
SVALBARD, NORWAY – Cindy McCain will return to her ice kingdom following the November elections should her husband not be victorious.
OBATMA AND BAT BOY TOUR U.S.
JOPLIN, MO – The recent unveiling of Obama’s mutant half brother has guaranteed him the mutant vote.
MCCAIN NEGOTIATES BETWEEN ANGELS & DEMONS
GENEVA, SWITZERLAND – Angels and demons have quietly entered into peace talks, thanks to Senator John McCain!
MCCAIN-BORG UPGRADES FOR DEBATE
DALLAS, TX – Republican presidential nominee John McCain announced Monday he will suspend his campaign yet again in order to upgrade his cybernetic systems.