OBAMA: COLLEGE WILL BE FREE FOR EVERYONE

In a speech, President Obama promised that at some point in his second term the government begin paying for college – for everyone.

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PhD APE TO COUNSEL MCCAIN FOLLOWING HISTORIC LOSS

PHOENIX, AZ – After losing the 2008 presidential election by nearly 200 electoral votes and nearly six percent of the popular vote, Senator John McCain is understandably in very low spirits.

CHAOS CLOUD APPEARS IN WASHINGTON D.C.

WASHINGTON, DC – On the eve of the most important presidential election in years, the Chaos Cloud has descended upon the nation’s capitol.

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MCCAIN EBAYS GOVERNMENT SECRETS

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In an attempt to boost his chances, McCain offered to fix the economy by selling secret government artifacts on Ebay.

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BAT BOY REGISTERS TO VOTE IN 48 STATES

AUSTIN, TX – On the campus of The University of Texas yesterday afternoon, Bat Boy registered to vote in the Lone Star State.
This marked the forty-eighth state in which the half-bat, half-boy national icon successfully registered to help the nation decide the next US President.