MCCAIN-BORG UPGRADES FOR DEBATE

DALLAS, TX – Republican presidential nominee John McCain announced Monday he will suspend his campaign yet again in order to upgrade his cybernetic systems.

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FIRST EVER INTERSTELLAR EXTRADITION

SAFFORD, AZ. – A fugitive’s abduction by aliens has prompted a hasty interstellar extradition treaty, now under review by the U.S. Senate.

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PALIN SPENDS COLUMBUS DAY ON WITCH HUNT

WASILLA, AK – Representatives from the McCain Campaign have confirmed that Vice Presidential candidate, Governor Sarah Palin, will spend the Columbus Day holiday on a witch hunt.

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KEATING FIVE REUNITE FOR BASKETBALL GAME

WASHINGTON, DC – Senator John McCain took a few hours out of his busy campaign schedule to attend the annual basketball game that reunites “The Keating Five.”

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MCCAIN USES ALIENS TO GET TOWN HALL QUESTIONS

NASHVILLE, TN – Obama for America campaign manager, David Plouffe, has accused Republican Presidential candidate Senator John McCain of using alien technology

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CONGRESS NAMES MCCAIN "MISS CONGENIALITY"


WASHINGTON, DC – After the stress of finalizing the bailout plan for the nation’s distressed financial institutions, the U.S. Senate took a break and awarded John McCain an honorary Miss Congeniality Award.

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"Left Eye" Saves Debate

WASHINGTON, D.C. – John McCain received support from a most unlikely source today.
WIth his popularity slipping in the polls. his running mate pounded by Katie Couric, and internet rumors that a stroke has caused laziness in his left eye, McCain was visited by the apparition of former TLC singer Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes.