WASHINGTON, DC – After criticizing the economic stimulus plan, Republicans have chained themselves to doors of the Capitol Building to block its passing.
johnmccain
PhD APE TO COUNSEL MCCAIN FOLLOWING HISTORIC LOSS
PHOENIX, AZ – After losing the 2008 presidential election by nearly 200 electoral votes and nearly six percent of the popular vote, Senator John McCain is understandably in very low spirits.
ALIEN WEEPS FOR MCCAIN LOSS
PHOENIX, AZ – The Alien is in remorse over his first ever incorrect presidential endorsement.
STRAIGHT TALK EXPRESS TO TIME TRAVEL
PHOENIX, AZ – With his presidential bid seen as lost, John McCain is putting a Flux Capacitor on the Straight Talk Express.
McKAINYE CLOTHING LINE
CHICAGO, IL – Shocking both the hip-hop and the political worlds, Kanye West and John McCain announced that they have developed a joint clothing line.
MCCAIN EBAYS GOVERNMENT SECRETS
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In an attempt to boost his chances, McCain offered to fix the economy by selling secret government artifacts on Ebay.
ICE QUEEN CINDY MCCAIN
SVALBARD, NORWAY – Cindy McCain will return to her ice kingdom following the November elections should her husband not be victorious.
OBATMA AND BAT BOY TOUR U.S.
JOPLIN, MO – The recent unveiling of Obama’s mutant half brother has guaranteed him the mutant vote.
MCCAIN NEGOTIATES BETWEEN ANGELS & DEMONS
GENEVA, SWITZERLAND – Angels and demons have quietly entered into peace talks, thanks to Senator John McCain!