BLAGO JURORS WIN POWERBALL LOTTERY

CHICAGO – On the same night jurors acquitted former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich of all but one charge, they won the $64 million Powerball lottery.

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OBAMA TO DEPORT 15 MILLION REPUBLICANS

DALLAS, TX – Secretary of Homeland Security, Janet Napolitano, announced the White House’s plan to deport 15 million Republicans to Mexico.

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RUSSIA SWAPS PUTIN FOR PALIN

AUSTRIA –  In a secret swap on the tarmac of the Vienna airport, Russia and the United States returned their respective spies: Vladmir Putin and Sarah Palin.

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BAT BOY PUT IN CHARGE OF U.S. CYBER COMMAND

BREAKING –  Washington, D.C. The White House announced this morning that they will be putting Bat Boy in charge of the newly created “Perfect Citizen” cyber program.

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