Wal-Mart inked a deal to pay the U.S. government $50 million a year to rename our galaxy.
obama administration
THE FAT POLICE ARE COMING!
WASHINGTON – The Obama Administration has formed the world’s first Fat Police unit. They’re mission: arrest the obese.
HISPANICS ARE NOW OFFICIALLY – “WHITE”
WASHINGTON, DC – Whites are not reproducing and are dwindling in numbers. Officials have a solution – Hispanics are now white.
OBAMA RENAMES GOV’T: “FEDERAL FAMILY”
WASHINGTON, DC – The White House has officially renamed the U.S. Government of the U.S. Federal Family.
UGLY PEOPLE TO GET AFFIRMATIVE ACTION
WASHINGTON – The White House is pushing through a bill that will give Affirmative Action benefits to ugly people.
JONNIE MARBLES, CIA
LONDON – Jonnie Marbles, the man who attacked Rupert Murdoch, revealed he is an American spy.
OBAMA BURNS TEXAS!
SAN ANTONIO – Rumors are spreading that President Obama ordered fires set in Texas. He’s had enough of The Lone Star State!
MUSLIM BROTHERHOOD BACKS KING TUT
CAIRO, Egypt – Scientists plan to resurrect King Tutankhamen to lead Egypt out of oppression.
CIA BUYS FLEET OF GOOGLE DRIVERLESS CARS
LANGLEY, VA – The CIA has purchased a large fleet of Google Driverless Cars.
OSAMA BIN LADEN IS IN THE C.I.A.
WASHINGTON – The Obama Administration confirmed tonight that Osama Bin Laden is in the C.I.A.