WASHINGTON, DC – President Obama is opening the door to Cuba. The two countries will settle their differences once and for all in a Prime Time Tango dance-off.
Reginald Cunningham III
GLENN BECK’S COMEDY TOUR
NEW YORK, NY – Fox News commentator Glenn Beck is taking time out from his various news shows to do comedy.
CIA CLOSES SECRET PRISONS
WASHINGTON, DC – The CIA has announced that it is shutting down its secret prisons around the world. Yard sales will be used to help the agency recoup precious revenue.
OBAMA’S PASSOVER SEDER DINNER
WASHINGTON, DC – President Obama will host the first White House seder. Party organizers state, “Why is this night different from any other? ‘Cause it’s gonna be fierce!”
EASTER BUNNY IN REHAB?
RANCHO MIRAGE, CA – A six foot tall rabbit was seen leaving the Betty Ford Clinic this week. Is the Easter Bunny trying to clean up before his big day?
FIDEL CASTRO MEETS THE ALIEN
HAVANA, CUBA – Fidel Castro met with US lawmakers for the first time in years this Tuesday. Political expert the Alien was on hand to assist with the talks.
NCAA BASKETBALL CHAMPIONSHIP RESULTS
DETROIT, MI – North Carolina wins the NCAA Basketball Championship. Broadcast interruption sparked riots in small towns across the country.
GATES PULLS PLUG ON DEFENSE SPENDING
WASHINGTON, DC – The government has been forced to pull back on defense spending. Secretary of Defense Robert Gates is pulling funding on F22 and Area 51, which is expected to close within the month.
NORTH KOREA FIRES ROCKET
NEW YORK, NY – The UN Security Council held an emergency meeting after North Korea fired a large rocket.
OBAMA BOWS TO SAUDI KING
LONDON – News outlets are in an uproar today that President Obama bowed to Saudi King Abdullah. The President insists he was just picking up a quarter.