BOGOTA, COLOMBIA – Charlie Sheen has been in Colombia for the last week, trying to start his own drug cartel.
cocaine
FLESH-EATING COCAINE
LOS ANGELES – Drug users across Los Angeles have encountered some bad cocaine that is eating away their flesh.
SHEEN'S KORNER
SHERMAN OAKS, CA – Charlie Sheen’s new webshow, Sheen’s Korner, was the highest rated show in America last night.
CHARLIE SHEEN ADOPTS PORN FAMILY
HOLLYWOOD – Charlie Sheen announced today that when he gets out of rehab he will be adopting seven porn stars and living with them in a new home.
CHARLIE SHEEN'S BRIEFCASE LOCATED
BEVERLY HILLS – Hollywood can relax. The briefcase containing Charlie Sheen’s cocaine supply has been found!
MEXICAN DRUG CATAPULT
TUSCON, AZ- Mexican drug cartels must resort to primitive tactics to get drugs across the US border.
COCA-COLA’S SECRET INGREDIENT: SALIVA!
ATLANTA, GA – Executives at the Coca Cola, Inc. are fuming after someone in the company leaked the soft-drink’s secret ingredient!
CBS BUYS BROTHEL FOR CHARLIE SHEEN
HOLLYWOOD – CBS has decided to help Charlie Sheen get the help he needs. They’ve bought him his own brothel in Nevada.
TEENS GET HIGH LISTENING TO MEL GIBSON TAPES
NEW YORK, NY – They put on their headphones, drape hoods over their head and drift off into a world of “Mel highs.”