OBAMA TO GIVE EVERY AMERICAN $10,000

obama_to_give_every_american

WASHINGTON, DC – A government think tank has come up with a plan to put $10,000 cash in every family’s pocketbook…

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FED SAYS RECESSION IS OVER

Ben_Bernanke_gold

Ben Bernanke says that the worst of the recession is over and the economy will level out, thanks to a large reserve of gold found hidden under Mount Rushmore.

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GATES PULLS PLUG ON DEFENSE SPENDING

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WASHINGTON, DC – The government has been forced to pull back on defense spending.  Secretary of Defense Robert Gates is pulling funding on F22 and Area 51, which is expected to close within the month. 

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CHILD MODEL TO BE PAID IN MONOPOLY MONEY

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LOS ANGELES—Citing concerns over the recession and the desire to purchase Park Place, a child model asked that she be paid in Monopoly dollars.

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ED ANGER SAYS: A LITTLE LEAD NEVER HURT ANYBODY

I’m pig biting mad about all the crazy news this week! I’m sick of that crazy baby machine lady with the big lips. I’m sick of movie stars talking about how brave they are for making a movie about some pansy thirty years after he died.