ROBOT OVERLORDS ABORT U.S.A. INVASION!
“IT WOULD’VE BEEN TOO CRUEL,” SAYS HEAD ROBOT, “LIKE DROP-KICKING A KITTEN.” In June of 2019, the small, sluggish burg of Constant Falls, the government designated Georgia “Ground Zero” in … READ MORE
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JUPITER RADIOS EARTH FOR HELP!
GIANT COMET HITS THE GIANT PLANET! HOUSTON — Stunned scientists say they now have absolute proof that life exists on Jupiter. They’re receiving distress signals radioed from the devastated planet! … READ MORE
MEET THE CONCEPTUALIST
Is he in your world or are you in his? The world around you is filled with art. There are paintings in museums, songs coming out of headphones, movies on … READ MORE
NY FOOTBALL GIANTS SIGN A REAL GIANT!
New “woke” NFL rules are now taking effect! He’s 12’ 8” tall and weighs over 850lbs. Yes the NY Giants finally signed Justin Bunyon, who is a genuine giant. His … READ MORE
MYSTERY STAR APPEARS OVER HOLY LAND!
A comet, a meteor — or a sign of the Second Coming? JERUSALEM — Astronomers are trying to explain a bright new star that has appeared in the skies over … READ MORE
5 GREAT WITCH SPELLS YOU CAN USE
GET THE LIFE YOU DREAMED OF! You can attract love, money, and luck, banish evil from your life and even deflect an enemy’s evil ey, with five great print-and-save spells … READ MORE
ANCIENT EGYPTIAN BOWLING LEAGUE DISCOVERED IN DIG!
BOWLING BALLS AND PINS UNEARTHED AS WELL! Last November, when the headlines were driven by the first wave of COVID-19, archeologists in Egypt unearthed more than 100 beautifully painted wooden … READ MORE
ARE YOU PART OF THE PANDEMIC’S PANDENTISTRY BOOM?
SMILE AWAY Marsha Vickers was never happy with her smile. “I knew I had a weird bite,” she said. “My front and bottom teeth don’t quite touch.” But the Providence … READ MORE
10 COOL TIPS TO SURVIVE IN HELL
…AND ENJOY THE EXPERIENCE! If you follow a few simple rules, you can survive an eternity in Hell with little or no suffering. And can even turn it into an … READ MORE
SNOW WHITE’S PRINCE ACCUSED OF SEXUAL MISCONDUCT!
LIFE-SAVING KISS DEEMED “NON-CONSENSUAL” AND A BAD EXAMPLE. On a lovely street tucked into Burbank’s suburbs is a block featuring nothing but tiny “fairy” cottages. At the end of the … READ MORE