STAMFORD, CT – In the midst of helping John McCain grieve, PhD Ape took a red-eye flight Monday night to be with Connecticut Senator Joe Lieberman.
washington d.c.
CHAOS CLOUD APPEARS IN WASHINGTON D.C.
WASHINGTON, DC – On the eve of the most important presidential election in years, the Chaos Cloud has descended upon the nation’s capitol.
MCCAIN EBAYS GOVERNMENT SECRETS
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In an attempt to boost his chances, McCain offered to fix the economy by selling secret government artifacts on Ebay.
MOLE PEOPLE BEING EXPLOITED
WASHINGTON, D.C. -The U.S. military has found a race of Mole People, and may be planning to exploit them!
BAT BOY REGISTERS TO VOTE IN 48 STATES
AUSTIN, TX – On the campus of The University of Texas yesterday afternoon, Bat Boy registered to vote in the Lone Star State.
This marked the forty-eighth state in which the half-bat, half-boy national icon successfully registered to help the nation decide the next US President.
BAILOUT BOY
UPDATE: At a pivotal moment in the nation’s history, America’s newest Deputy Treasury Secretary, Bat Boy, was nowhere to be found. This revelation sent shockwaves through the market and Washington D.C. on Monday.
Where was Bat Boy? He had scurried off to see his favorite band, Vampire Weekend, play a secret show in Brooklyn on Saturday night. He watched and devoured mosquitoes while the nation burned.
CONGRESS NAMES MCCAIN "MISS CONGENIALITY"
WASHINGTON, DC – After the stress of finalizing the bailout plan for the nation’s distressed financial institutions, the U.S. Senate took a break and awarded John McCain an honorary Miss Congeniality Award.
Undead Demand Health Insurance
Washington, DC – The nation’s undead community is demanding the right to health insurance—and it is a battle it can win, say experts.
McCain Will Sell Hawaii to Raise Cash
“It’s so far away, that it doesn’t even seem like part of America anyway”
Global Cooling on Pluto?
Late last week, NASA received a desperate — and surprise — SOS from the planet Pluto. “They wanted us to send heat lamps immediately,” explained Communications Officer Sunny Cavalier. “They need them to combat global cooling.