UPDATE: At a pivotal moment in the nation’s history, America’s newest Deputy Treasury Secretary, Bat Boy, was nowhere to be found. This revelation sent shockwaves through the market and Washington D.C. on Monday.

Where was Bat Boy? He had scurried off to see his favorite band, Vampire Weekend, play a secret show in Brooklyn on Saturday night. He watched and devoured mosquitoes while the nation burned.

The lower house of the U.S. Congress has voted down the rescue plan to bail out Wall Street. Henry Paulson has called on Bat Boy to persuade those in the House of Representatives who rejected it to move the plan forward.
Bat Boy seemed confident that a bounty of mosquitoes and his collection of bird skulls will do the trick.
09/25/08 – A financial crisis has been averted!
WASHINGTON, DC – Henry Paulson has proposed Bat Boy to be Deputy Treasury Secretary of the U.S. Treasury. The Senate is understandably skeptical of this recommendation.
“I mean, people are saying Sarah Palin isn’t qualified enough to be Vice-President, and she’s a governor! This bailout boy lives in a cave!”, exclaimed an unnamed Senator. He wished to remain anonymous, for fear of mutant backlash.
Paulson’s reasoning?
While experimenting in his cave, Bat Boy discovered a rare form of guano left by his fellow bats. This peak guano is such an effective form of alternative energy, the government will be able to sell it as an oil -alternative domestically and abroad for a tidy profit, thus covering the $1 trillion dollar cost of bailing out the financial system.
Paulson also stated, “Bailout Boy will not require lavish executive pay or even a hefty bonus. Bat Boy has asked to be compensated entirely in mosquitoes–an abundant commodity that we are happy to be unloading at this time.”

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20 thoughts on “BAILOUT BOY”

  1. I've just hung up the phone after discussing this proposal with well-connected colleagues of mine. We are all in agreement: Bat Boy is the Bail-Out-Boy for America. Our great nation is in urgent need of an answer to our financial emergency. Bat Boy has been tried, tested and trusted for many years. I, for one, am relieved that he is eager and willing to assume such an important post.
    I am calling on Washington to give the order to halt all chemtrail spraying over America immediately. We cannot risk the death of any of the mosquitoes that Bat Boy needs to stay strong and vigorous. We need him too much right now and time is of the essence. Bat Boy must succeed or all hope will be lost for America.
    May luck be with you, Bat Boy.

  2. I've camped with Bat Boy on a number of occasions (together with the Olly girls), and he has keen insight into the murky dealings of the underworld – I mean congress. Hail and salute Bat Boy, and all the other 'Bat People' we can muster as a nation!!!

  3. BatBoy was born for hand-outs , bail-outs , and backdoor politics !
    Father = Ross Perot
    Mother = test tube, a nice warm lab, then incubated by Angelina Jolie

  4. Вообще, когда читаешь такое, посещает мысль, а ведь это ж так просто, ну почему я это не смог придумать Респект автору 🙂


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