CAMBRIDGE, MA – A new study out of the Harvard School of Nutrition shows that children who eat bags of Halloween candy have higher IQs.
FOOD POLICE ARREST KINDERGARTNERS
NORTH CAROLINA – The Food Police raided kindergarten classrooms across North Carolina and arrested over 175 students.
MICHELLE OBAMA PREGNANT!
WASHINGTON – The White House announced that Michelle Obama is pregnant with the couple’s third child.
THE FAT POLICE ARE COMING!
WASHINGTON – The Obama Administration has formed the world’s first Fat Police unit. They’re mission: arrest the obese.
WHITE HOUSE BANS FRENCH FRIES IN AMERICA
WASHINGTON, DC – President Obama issued an Executive Order banning the production and/or consumption of French Fries!
STUDY: WATCHING TV WILL KILL YOU
A new study found that watching too much television will cut 10-15 years off your life.
MCDONALD'S ADDS PROZAC TO HAPPY MEALS
Bowing to pressure from health advocates and the government, McDonald’s is putting “happy” in the Happy Meal.
"EAT YOUR PEAS" SUMMIT
WASHINGTON, DC – President Obama called a “Peas Summit” to reignite the debt ceiling talks.
RONALD MCDONALD SENTENCED TO DEATH!
WASHINGTON – The U.S. Justice Department has ordered Ronald McDonald put to death.
DOCTORS WON'T TAKE FAT PATIENTS!
WASHINGTON – Under Obamacare, doctors can now refuse obese patients. And they are doing it!