WASHINGTON. BREAKING NEWS *** President Barack Obama has resigned the Presidency of the United States!
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BEER COLOGNE
A new summer ale developed by Samuel Adams has an interesting double use: it can be used as cologne!
FIRST BLACK "BACHELOR" ANNOUNCED
LOS ANGELES – ABC has just announced the next Bachelor: Lamar Hurd of Portland, Oregon, the show’s first bachelor of color.
HELP WANTED: NASA NEEDS ASTRONAUTS!
HOUSTON – President Obama is dismantling the U.S. Space Program, but NASA is in desperate need of astronauts.
OBAMA BURNS TEXAS!
SAN ANTONIO – Rumors are spreading that President Obama ordered fires set in Texas. He’s had enough of The Lone Star State!
JACOB TUCKER SLAM DUNK!
HOUSTON – YouTube sensation, Jacob Tucker, 5′ 10″, won the NCAA Dunk Contest.
EARTH’S TWIN FOUND
HOUSTON, TX – Amazed scientists have discovered two new planets 1,300 light-years away, and one of them is the exact twin of Earth in every detail.
CARL LANDRY SHOT IN LEG
UPDATE: Houston Rockets’ Carl Landry was shot in the leg early this morning during a failed robbery. Was the same leprechaun from Plaxico Burress’ injury involved?