CUPERTINO, CA – On Friday, Steve Jobs announced his solution for iPhone 4 customers: “stop making phone calls!”
Frank Lake
ELECTRIC RACE CAR BREAKS SPEEDWAY RECORD
FONTANA, CA – The KleenSpeed WX10, driven by Timothy Collins, set a record at the Fontana Speedway, smashing the previous one set by Jeff Gordon in 1997.
FIREMAN TAKES ON CHICAGO RIVER MONSTER
Chicago, IL — Last night a brave South Side fireman took on the Chicago River Monster, who had been dormant for the last fifty-seven years.
OBAMA TO DEPORT 15 MILLION REPUBLICANS
DALLAS, TX – Secretary of Homeland Security, Janet Napolitano, announced the White House’s plan to deport 15 million Republicans to Mexico.
HARRY REID JOINS MALE BROTHEL
TONOPAH, NEVADA — Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid has decided to work for a male brothel in Nevada, part of a new campaign strategy “to serve all Nevada voters.”
OBAMA RELEASES SECOND CHUPACABRA INTO TEXAS
BREAKING – The U.S. Department of Interior Obama released a second Chupacabra today, this time into Texas.
CHELSEA CLINTON WEDDING GUEST LIST
WWN EXCLUSIVE – Bat Boy, Bigfoot, and Bush are all on the guest list for Chelsea Clinton’s wedding in Rhinebeck, New York on July 31.
JESSE JAMES TO STAR IN BLIND SIDE SEQUEL
LOS ANGELES – Producers of the hit Sandra Bullock drama, The Blind Side, announced today that Jesse James has agreed to co-star in the sequel.
STEINBRENNER DIES, COSTANZA ARRESTED
George Steinbrenner, a towering figure in the sports world, died Tuesday morning in Tampa. George Costanza was arrested soon after in a nearby coffee shop.
MARISA MILLER BECOMES A NUN
LOS ANGELES – Marisa Miller is giving up her career as a supermodel so she can become a Catholic nun.