BRAIN-EATING VACCINES TURN AMERICANS INTO ZOMBIES

ALBUQUERQUE, NM –  The U.S. government is using brain-eating chemicals to turn Americans into Zombies.

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SPANISH MOVED TO #1 ON VOICE PROMPTS

EL PASO, TX – In response to protests by Hispanic groups, telephony companies are reprogramming language voice prompts. Spanish will move from #2 to #1.

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OBAMA TO DEPORT 15 MILLION REPUBLICANS

DALLAS, TX – Secretary of Homeland Security, Janet Napolitano, announced the White House’s plan to deport 15 million Republicans to Mexico.

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