CHICAGO, IL – Sources inside the Obama Transition Team have confirmed that Rahm Emanuel tipped off FBI to Governor Rod Blagojevich’s schemes as payback.
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BAT BOY MILK
SENECA FALLS, W.VA – America’s favorite mutant was spotted in line this weekend to see the movie Milk.
OBATMA WRONGLY ARRESTED
CHICAGO, IL – Obatma was wrongly arrested this morning for conspiring to sell Barack Obama’s vacant Senate seat.
WEEKLY WORLD NEWS IN TALKS TO BUY TRIBUNE
CHICAGO, IL – Sam Zell has met privately with an Alien contingent representing the interests of Weekly World News.
PhD APE HEADS TO VEGAS
LAS VEGAS, NV – Following a 13-day trial and 13 hours of jury deliberation, OJ Simpson was convicted on 11 varying charges.
OBAMA INVITES ALIEN CHOIR TO WHITE HOUSE
WASHINGTON, DC – President-Elect Obama asserted influence this weekend, advising President Bush on which holiday choir to pick for the White House – and they’re aliens!
STONER MUMMY ATTACKS
LUXOR, EGYPT – A team of Archaeologists was attacked after removing an ancient marijuana stash from a priest’s tomb.
MILEY CYRUS AND FATFOOT DUET
HOLLYWOOD, CA – In order to redeem her public image, Miley Cyrus has recorded a duet with Fatfoot for charity.
WORLD'S FATTEST CAT ADOPTED
PHILADELPHIA, PA – Jon and Kate Gosselin, stars of the hit reality show, Jon and Kate Plus 8, have added one supersized mouth to their family this holiday season: Tonya!