CHICAGO, IL – Sam Zell has met privately with an Alien contingent representing the interests of Weekly World News. It appears he is currently in talks to sell Tribune to Weekly World News.

Reached for comment, Zell stated, “Alien investors are not constrained by time-space horizons and so they view debt in a totally different way than we might view it on Earth. Even with all the doom and gloom on this planet these guys still think Earth is a viable market and they like our properties.
“These guys may be different than you and me but they are pretty sharp. They told me that they’re looking at all kinds of distressed opportunities right now. The only thing they won’t touch is Dubai since it’s overblown and they don’t agree with the regulations involving human social interaction there.”
Zell went on to say that Merrill Lynch would provide backing for the deal as Lynch CEO John Thain has a direct relationship with the Aliens, as previously reported by Weekly World News.
Stay tuned for more developments.

Leave a Comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.