SACRAMENTO, CA – At a press conference earlier this week, actor turned Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger announced that California was in its own fiscal emergency.
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PICKENS TEAMS WITH ALIEN ENERGY
HOUSTON, TX – Billionaire energy mogul T. Boone Pickens has announced a revolutionary alien technology as the next step in the campaign for US energy independence.
PhD APE GOES TO GEORGIA
ATLANTA, GA – Following four extra weeks of campaigning, Democratic challenger, Jim Martin lost by an impressive 15 percent.
JINDAL IN TALKS WITH SATAN
BATON ROUGE, LA – After their crushing defeat in November the Republican Party was left with no clear leader.
BEASTIE BAT BOYS
BROOKLYN, NY – The Beastie Boys held a secret show in their hometown, and a certain beastly boy was on hand to collaborate.
BURRESS BLAMES LEPRECHAUN FOR INJURY
NEW YORK, NY – Plaxico Burress has finally admitted who – or what – he was aiming at when he accidentally shot himself.
LINCOLN RESURRECTED FOR OPEN SENATE SEAT
SPRINGFIELD, IL – In a move widely seen as political pandering, the Governor of Illinois announced an unusual choice for Obama’s seat in the Senate.
PhD APE LENDS SHOULDER TO BRITNEY
LOS ANGELES, CA – After revealing herself in the MTV documentary “Britney: For the Record”, Britney Spears turned to an old friend for support.
JUPITER AND VENUS CITIZENS MOON EARTH
NEW HAVEN, CT – Astronomers have announced that Jupiter and Venus will shine unusually brightly during a conjunction tonight.
BAT BOY SCARES MALL SANTA
BALTIMORE, MD – Bat Boy’s attempts at fitting in for the holidays have again failed miserably.