merrill lynch Archives - Weekly World News

JOHN THAIN’S $87,000 RUG

NEW YORK, NY – Merrill Lynch’s CEO John Thain is leaving the firm, amid furor over his purchase of a yeti skin rug with company funds.

CHICAGO, IL – Sam Zell has met privately with an Alien contingent representing the interests of Weekly World News.

UPDATE: John Thain’s push for $10 million bonus is possibly orchestrated by aliens!

Aliens have taken all of the money on Earth!

NEW YORK, NY – As part of the acquisition by Bank of America, Merrill Lynch agreed to slaughter their famous bull corporate logo.