WASHINGTON, DC – President Bush’s unlucky week continued as another shoe wielding reporter attacked him at an intergalactic press junket.
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PhD APE TO COUNSEL SCAM VICTIMS
PALM BEACH, FL – In a move surprising many of his fans and clients, PhD Ape is traveling to Florida in light of the Madoff investment scam – to meet with the victims!
DRAGON MILLIPEDE COMES OUT OF CLOSET
HUP PA TARD, THAILAND – The dragon millipede has come out as the first openly gay insect in the world!
BROWNS COACH MISSING
CLEVELAND, OH – The Cleveland Browns are on the look-out for a new leader after Coach Crennel went missing under supernatural circumstances.
PLAYGIRL BUDDHA SPARKS OUTRAGE
LHASA, TIBET – Playgirl Tibet refuses to apologize for the cover of their December issue, featuring a scantily clad and sexy Buddha.
OBAMA RIDING HORSE TO INAUGURATION
CHICAGO, IL – President-Elect Barack Obama’s inauguration travel plans are harkening back to a time earlier than any had predicted.
COOPER COURTED BY SHARK
ATLANTA, GA – Following a trip to Australia where Anderson Cooper taped a shark special, he was treated to a surprise guest in the studio.
PhD APE JUNIOR!
SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Weekly World News is proud to announce the birth of PhD Ape’s first gorilla child!
OBAMA DENIED AREA 51
LAS VEGAS, NV – President-Elect Obama’s streak of intergalactic bad luck continues this week as the Installation Commander of Area 51 refused to hand over the keys.
BATNEY'S BACK AT NO. 1
NEW YORK, NY – Britney Spears’ “Circus” has topped the charts this week, and she is ready to celebrate!