WASILLA, AK – Representatives from the McCain Campaign have confirmed that Vice Presidential candidate, Governor Sarah Palin, will spend the Columbus Day holiday on a witch hunt.
Month: October 2008
KEATING FIVE REUNITE FOR BASKETBALL GAME
WASHINGTON, DC – Senator John McCain took a few hours out of his busy campaign schedule to attend the annual basketball game that reunites “The Keating Five.”
PALIN BAGS A BIGFOOT
WASILLA, AK – Records and eyewitnesses have come to light that prior to announcing her candidacy for the Vice Presidency; Sarah Palin shot a Bigfoot from a helicopter.
A government helicopter was seen flying low over the Chugach National Park with what witnesses described as “a sexy librarian shooting out the side.” Employees at a local bait shop report seeing a similar woman only hours before carrying an infant in a camouflage Baby Bjorn.
OJ SIMPSON: COLLEGE PROFESSOR
CHICAGO, IL – The University of Illinois at Chicago announced this morning that they have offered OJ Simpson an adjunct professorship in its prestigious Drama department.
JAPANESE RESTAURANT HIRES TINY BIGFOOT BUSBOY
TOKYO, JAPAN – Following reports this week of a Japanese restaurant employing monkey waiters, Shibuya hideaway, DaiDai, has hired the world’s tiniest Bigfoot!
BAT BOY REGISTERS TO VOTE IN 48 STATES
AUSTIN, TX – On the campus of The University of Texas yesterday afternoon, Bat Boy registered to vote in the Lone Star State.
This marked the forty-eighth state in which the half-bat, half-boy national icon successfully registered to help the nation decide the next US President.
MICHAEL CERA HEALS CHILD
LOS ANGELES, CA – Sensitive hipster comedian performs divine healing. Most commonly noted for his shy and awkward comic characters, Michael Cera was witnessed healing a sick child with his self-deprecating humor.
OBAMA SHARES CIGARETTE WITH MYSTERIOUS MAN-CHILD
HURUMA, KENYA – Evidence has now surfaced that while on his summer international tour, Barack Obama disappeared from Israel to attend a secret meeting in Huruma
MERRILL LYNCH SLAUGHTERS BULL MASCOT
NEW YORK, NY – As part of the acquisition by Bank of America, Merrill Lynch agreed to slaughter their famous bull corporate logo.