WASHINGTON, DC – The IMF predicts a shrinking world economy over the next few years. This troubling news sent lard and cornmeal futures skyrocketing.
economy
GATES PULLS PLUG ON DEFENSE SPENDING
WASHINGTON, DC – The government has been forced to pull back on defense spending. Secretary of Defense Robert Gates is pulling funding on F22 and Area 51, which is expected to close within the month.
CHILD MODEL TO BE PAID IN MONOPOLY MONEY
LOS ANGELES—Citing concerns over the recession and the desire to purchase Park Place, a child model asked that she be paid in Monopoly dollars.
ALIENS BUY UP BLACK FRIDAY DEALS
CHICAGO, IL – With the economy continuing its roller-coaster ride this week, retailers are expecting a different type of crowd.
JAPANESE RESTAURANT HIRES TINY BIGFOOT BUSBOY
TOKYO, JAPAN – Following reports this week of a Japanese restaurant employing monkey waiters, Shibuya hideaway, DaiDai, has hired the world’s tiniest Bigfoot!
McCain Will Sell Hawaii to Raise Cash
“It’s so far away, that it doesn’t even seem like part of America anyway”