thanksgiving

VIKINGS EXPRESS DISMAY AT NOT BEING INVITED TO THANKSGIVING

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Anthropologists recently confirmed that Vikings reached the shores of North America one thousand years ago. They also confirmed that these Nordic explorers felt dissed. Apparently, they weren’t invited to the first Thanksgiving. Cryptologists have translated The Viking ship logs. One entry reads: “No one even tried to reach out. Despite the fact that we predate … READ MORE

OK BOOMER! MILLENNIALS CANCEL THANKSGIVING

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They’ve had enough with boomers and the way they have ruined everything for the generations that follow them. In another effort to simplify life, millennials have decided that Thanksgiving is another tradition that has to go! There has been a serious conflict between the generations ever since the Stone Age, but nothing like the clash … READ MORE

TURKEY PARDONS TRUMP!

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President caught in Thanksgiving quid pro quo This afternoon, Pilgrim, a 38-pound turkey from northern Virginia pardoned President Donald Trump in an act of kindness, compassion, and charity for Thanksgiving. Pilgrim is a leader among turkeys at Gobbler’s Rest in Blacksburg, Virginia. On Friday he held a press conference. Pilgrim told reporters (though his turkey … READ MORE