ED ANGER SAYS: LEAVE OUR NUKES ALONE!

That Obama really smashes my atoms!

The Communist-in-Chief just said he wants to ban all nuclear bombs. When he says such stupid, corny stuff, he sounds more like Miss America than the President. Except beauty queens don’t need Teleprompters! (And I’d like to see Obama twirl a baton while we’re at it!)

Nukes are what made America great! First off, they helped us win World War II. We had to nuke the Japs twice to get ‘em to smarten up, but it worked! All they did later was make a bunch of crappy Godzilla movies about giant radiation monsters. The Japs seem just as crazy now than they did before we bombed them, but at least they leave us alone!

Then we used nukes to scare the Russians into leaving us alone. Turns out they were just a bunch of drunks who couldn’t find the nuke button anyway. Losers!

If we outlaw nukes, then only outlaws will have them. Those sneaky Iranians and Koreans won’t give theirs up. I know those Koreans first hand – I fought them on Pork Chop Hill and you can’t trust them as far as you can throw a grenade. They’re jealous because Japan and China are like their cooler older brothers who got all the fancy outfits and takeout food that dumb Westerners like so much. Come on: it’s not like anybody’s gonna buy a snow globe full of barbequed beef.

Nukes create jobs for American scientists and factory workers and spies, not to mention all those anti-war hippies who need something to protest!

Mark my words: if Teleprompter Kid gets his way, he’ll turn West Point into a “Full Monty” touring company!