HOUSTON, TX – Billionaire energy mogul T. Boone Pickens has announced a revolutionary alien technology as the next step in the campaign for US energy independence.

After making his fortune in the Texas oil industry, Pickens has recently joined the crusade for green, renewable energy technologies that will allow the United States to break free of the stronghold of foreign oil.
“The only way for this nation to reverse the effects of global warming, boost the economy, and put millions of Americans back to work, is to invest in revolutionary energy sources,” Pickens told a summit of energy and environmental experts.
“Wind, nuclear, solar, and biofuel are just the first steps.  With energy needs growing every day, we need to look further.  I am proud to announce that in conjunction with the Qwoak Delegate to the United States, we will bring Alien power cell fusion technology to America for the first time.”
While it is unclear where exactly this energy source originates from, the Qwoak Delegation claims that it is a renewable energy resource that allows them to travel the length of the galaxy and back on just one power cell.
“Its clean, its green, its renewable.  Not to mention a fraction of the price of buying crude oil from the Saudis or Venezuelans.”
The Qwoak guarantee that no animal, human, or alien is part of the mysterious cell fusion process.  This comes as a great relief to environmentalists still decrying the failed attempt to integrate Martian baby-smelting into the automotive industry in the 1970s.


  1. Please help me. I've quit using Beano in order to insert the new methane recovery system pioneered by Pickens and his Alien Technology company, and the device leaks and I've been fired from my job due to employee complaints, and I can't dislodge the doggone thing–and it looks funny protruding from my backside like it does and I'm the butt of many jokes.

  2. I'm very concerned, I don't understand why the aliens did not consult Bat Boy or Ed Anger! Mr. Pickens must realize that the contributions of these two will be very important and critical for the success of this venture!

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