DALLAS, TX – Republican presidential nominee John McCain announced Monday he will suspend his campaign yet again in order to upgrade his cybernetic systems. Sources say he hopes to appear more passably human before the final debate.
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SAFFORD, AZ. – A fugitive’s abduction by aliens has prompted a hasty interstellar extradition treaty, now under review by the U.S. Senate.
WASILLA, AK – Representatives from the McCain Campaign have confirmed that Vice Presidential candidate, Governor Sarah Palin, will spend the Columbus Day holiday on a witch hunt.
WASHINGTON, DC – Senator John McCain took a few hours out of his busy campaign schedule to attend the annual basketball game that reunites “The Keating Five.”
NASHVILLE, TN – Obama for America campaign manager, David Plouffe, has accused Republican Presidential candidate Senator John McCain of using alien technology to acquire the questions of last night’s debate in advance.
After the stress of finalizing the bailout plan for the nation’s distressed financial institutions, the U.S. Senate took a break and awarded John McCain an honorary Miss Congeniality Award.
WASHINGTON, D.C. – John McCain received support from a most unlikely source today.
WIth his popularity slipping in the polls. his running mate pounded by Katie Couric, and internet rumors that a stroke has caused laziness in his left eye, McCain was visited by the apparition of former TLC singer Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes.
“It’s so far away, that it doesn’t even seem like part of America anyway”
“I won’t be dwarfed by a Democrat!”, candidate declares
Dr. Lawler discovered thumbnail sized microchips throughout McCain’s digestive and nervous system