QUIT BEING A SISSY AND GET RUDE
I’m madder than chair-tossing hoops coach Bobby Knight with road rage about a new survey I just read saying that Americans are too rude!
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LYING & CHEATING MADE AMERICA GREAT
I’m madder than a schoolteacher with a rotten apple over the big hubbub about kids cheating in school. A government study that just came out says 70 percent – seven of 10 – high school students fessed up that they cheat on tests. Thank heavens, I say!
INTERNET SPAMMERS ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY!
I’m madder than a rooster in an empty hen house at Internet spammers and I won’t take it anymore. Those creeps clutter up my e-mail with their junk, everything from penis enlargement pills to some lady telling me she’ll give me a million dollars if I’ll help her get her money out of Africa.
TINA FEY SHOOTS A BIGFOOT
WASILLA, AK – Tina Fey, who has made headlines recently by impersonating Governor Sarah Palin, has gone so far as to lampoon her famous aerial shooting of a Bigfoot.
PALIN EXTERMINATING BIGFOOT
MARTINSVILLE, IL. – Bigfoot must be placed on Endangered Species List, and activists lay blame on Sarah Palin!
PALIN BAGS A BIGFOOT
WASILLA, AK – Records and eyewitnesses have come to light that prior to announcing her candidacy for the Vice Presidency; Sarah Palin shot a Bigfoot from a helicopter.
A government helicopter was seen flying low over the Chugach National Park with what witnesses described as “a sexy librarian shooting out the side.” Employees at a local bait shop report seeing a similar woman only hours before carrying an infant in a camouflage Baby Bjorn.
SUPER-SARAH PALIN KNOCKS OUT JOE-TOX
I was as happy as Joe Biden at a Hair Club for Men conference to see Sarah Palin crush Joe Biden in the VP debate last week. Sarah had me at “Hey, can I call you Joe?” It didn’t help that Joe-Tox had a look of surprise frozen on his face from the Botox and his recent eyelift.
BIGFOOT BABY IS A BRAT!
ALTURAS, CA – A frazzled, young government researcher says she’s sick and tired of caring for the baby Bigfoot who was captured by scientists – because the squalling, rambunctious furball is a brat!
“I thought being mom to a newborn Bigfoot would be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity – but I had no idea what I was getting into,” admits zoologist Dr. Megan Dulowsky.
Dwarf Vampires
Seattle emergency room physicians been dealing with a rash of patients suffering from strange ankle bites
FATFOOT!
The elusive backwoods creatures are hooked on junk food and have become dangerously overweight!