YELLOWSTONE NATIONAL PARK, WY — We may soon have to rename Bigfoot “Bigbelly.” Researchers warn that the elusive backwoods creatures are hooked on junk food and have become dangerously overweight!
And to prove their point, scientists released exclusively to Weekly World News a photo of the fattest Bigfoot ever seen — a Sasquatch sporting a huge, pendulous gut, and jiggling rolls of fat.
“We estimate this specimen weighs 2,400 pounds — nearly three times the previous record,” declared cryptozoolgist Dr. Anthony Hullwood, director of the Seattle-based Bigfoot Research Institute.
Sadly, we humans may be to blame for Bigfoot’s obesity.
“Campers keep bringing high-calorie snacks and fast food to our national parks and Bigfoots have been gorging themselves on the leftovers,” the expert explained.
“Obesity is a widespread problem among Americans and our poor dietary habits have now been passed onto Bigfoot. Research indicates that 63 percent of the creatures are now suffering from obesity.”
The eye-popping photo was taken by campers Susan and Mark Fredinski, after they heard “something big” raiding the duffel bag containing their snacks during the night.
“The next morning, we heard this loud munching, we followed the sound to a clearing — and saw the fat Bigfoot stuffing our Twinkies into his mouth,” recalled Susan, 36.
“When Mark snapped the photo, the thing started to chase us, but after about 20 feet, it got winded and gave up.”
“When you visit one of our national parks, be sure to dispose of your uneaten food properly,” Dr. Hullwood pleads. “Deposit it a bear-and-Bigfoot-proof dumpster at the campground.”
There is one bright side to the story.
“These out-of-shape Bigfoot are so slow, the odds are high we’ll soon catch one alive,” he said.
8 thoughts on “FATFOOT!”
hey everyone LMAO… this funnist new article about a fat sasquatch ive ever read indeedy. good evening bill green ct sasquatch researcher.
He looks like a couple of relatives of mine.
You must have some weird relatives.
If this sucker had weighed 2400 pounds, he would be dead by now.
Where is Fatfoot now?
Does Fatfoot have a proper name?