CHICAGO, IL – As tax day approaches, protest “tea parties” rev up to high gear in preparation for nation-wide movements by sending out recipes for a successful tea party.
Politics
CIA CLOSES SECRET PRISONS
WASHINGTON, DC – The CIA has announced that it is shutting down its secret prisons around the world. Yard sales will be used to help the agency recoup precious revenue.
OBAMA’S PASSOVER SEDER DINNER
WASHINGTON, DC – President Obama will host the first White House seder. Party organizers state, “Why is this night different from any other? ‘Cause it’s gonna be fierce!”
GATES PULLS PLUG ON DEFENSE SPENDING
WASHINGTON, DC – The government has been forced to pull back on defense spending. Secretary of Defense Robert Gates is pulling funding on F22 and Area 51, which is expected to close within the month.
OBAMA BOWS TO SAUDI KING
LONDON – News outlets are in an uproar today that President Obama bowed to Saudi King Abdullah. The President insists he was just picking up a quarter.
QUEEN’S IPOD
LONDON – During President Obama’s first meeting with Queen Elizabeth II, he presented her with a gift: an iPhone filled with tokens of American culture.
TED STEVENS INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT CLOSED
ANCHORAGE, AK – Ted Stevens International Airport closed this weekend due to volcanic ash. Former Senator Ted Stevens believes it’s all part of a liberal conspiracy.
UPDATE: NOTRE DAME SCANDAL
UPDATE – Several priests from around the country are voicing their skepticism at Obama converting to Catholicism for 24 hours.
OBAMA TOWN HALL WEBCAM
WASHINGTON, DC – Obama made history yesterday by holding a national online town hall. Unfortunately the tech savvy president still forgot to turn off the webcam when he was done.
ERIC CANTOR AND BRITNEY SPEARS
WASHINGTON, DC – Sparking bipartisan outrage on the Hill, House Minority Whip Eric Cantor admitted to skipping President Obama’s press conference to “Get his dance on.”