NEW YORK, NY – Mary-Kate Olsen, tired of being a celebrity, is heading off to Oz to find the Wizard.
Frank Lake
DEVIL PUTS A FREEZE ON BUYING SOULS
HADES – The Devil, overwhelmed by people selling their souls, is putting a temporary freeze on soul purchases .
JUDGE ORDERS ALL GAYS TO BE MARRIED
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SAN FRANCISCO – After a judge overturned California’s same-sex marriage ban, he ordered all gays married “by next year.”
FIND A JOB, ON MARS!
RED PLANET – Good news for the unemployed. There are no jobs on earth anymore, but they’re hiring on Mars!
OBAMA SPENDS BIRTHDAY IN STUDIO WITH MJ
CHICAGO – President Obama spent his birthday alone, with Michael Jackson. They recorded a Christmas album.
BRAIN-EATING VACCINES TURN AMERICANS INTO ZOMBIES
ALBUQUERQUE, NM – The U.S. government is using brain-eating chemicals to turn Americans into Zombies.
BILL COSBY NOT DEAD – SAVED BY JELL-O
LOS ANGELES – Bill Cosby dispelled rumors of his death, but said that a bowl of Jell-O saved his life.
THE WORLD'S FIRST TRANSEXUAL SUPERMODEL
Sao Paolo, Brazil – Lea T, the famous Brazilian model, is in the midst of a sex change transition.