RED PLANET – Good news for the unemployed. There are no jobs on earth anymore, but they’re hiring on Mars!
CHICAGO – President Obama spent his birthday alone, with Michael Jackson. They recorded a Christmas album.
ORLANDO – Justin Bieber, taking estrogen pills to avoid puberty, now has breasts!
ALBUQUERQUE, NM – The U.S. government is using brain-eating chemicals to turn Americans into Zombies.
OSAKA- Robot girlfriends are on sale now in Japan. Buy two for the price of one!
LOS ANGELES – Bill Cosby dispelled rumors of his death, but said that a bowl of Jell-O saved his life.
Sao Paolo, Brazil – Lea T, the famous Brazilian model, is in the midst of a sex change transition.
CUPERTINO, CA – Steve Jobs “freedom from porn” statement caused a firestorm in the tech world, so he created the iPorn.
SEASIDE HEIGHTS, NJ – Sharks celebrates the new season of Shark Week on the Jersey Shore.
RHINEBECK, NY – Chelsea Clinton’s wedding was crashed by celebrities, aliens and a dictator.