ALBUQUERQUE, NM – Sew another star on the flag. Mexico will become our 51st state in 2014.
SALT LAKE CITY, UT – Mitt Romney celebrated his inevitable Republican nomination with his sister wives and dozens of children.
CAMBRIDGE, MA – A groundbreaking study has determined that 83% of the members of Congress are certified morons!
ORLANDO, FL – Newt Gingrich declared himself the clear winner of the Florida primary.
Kentucky Republican Sen. Rand Paul has reportedly been arrested by the Transportation Security Administration.
NEVADA – Prostitutes in Nevada are campaigning for Ron Paul and they are holding fundraising events at the Bunny Ranch.
PORTSMOUTH, NH – Mitt Romney celebrated his New Hampshire win with his sister wives and dozens of children.
DES MOINES – Aliens have been spotted around Ron Paul in Iowa. Could they be supporters?
SIMI VALLEY, CA – Ron Paul defeated Rick Perry in the debate last night, then beat him up backstage.
WASHINGTON, DC – Congress will vote next month on a bill to legalize marijuana.