HARARE, ZIMBABWE – Martians attacked a prosperous South African village with rocks, plundered their gold and burned it to the ground!
ALIENS HERE TO TAKE OUR GOLD?
SOUTH AFRICA – At a worldwide Alien Summit taking place in Johannesburg, experts are speculating that the Gootans are here to plunder earth of its gold.
MINERS BROUGHT UP, POLITICIANS SENT DOWN
COPIAPO, CHILE – In an agreement between the U.S. and Chile — for each miner brought up, they will send down one U.S. politician.
FED SAYS RECESSION IS OVER
Ben Bernanke says that the worst of the recession is over and the economy will level out, thanks to a large reserve of gold found hidden under Mount Rushmore.