DJIBOUTI – The Somali pirates, renegade Somalis known for hijacking ships for ransom in the Gulf of Aden, are negotiating a purchase of Citigroup.
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UPDATE: OBATMA CELEBRATES!
UPDATE: Obatma rejoices over Clinton’s nomination for Secretary of State position: the Bureau of Mutant Affairs is his!
BAT BOY JOLIE?
NEW ORLEANS, LA – In an attempt to further diversify her brood, Angelina Jolie has made a bold choice.
WOLF BOY PRESIDENT OF HAIR CLUB FOR MEN
MUMBAI, INDIA – Eleven year old Pruthviraj Patil, the world famous Indian Wolf Boy, has taken the helm of the multi-million dollar company.
PhD APE VISITS TED STEVENS
WASHINGTON, DC – Phd Ape had more work to do after the Alaska Senate race finally ended yesterday.
CHENEY COMES OUT OF THE COFFIN
WASHINGTON, DC – Vice President Dick Cheney has announced that he is a Vampire. At a press conference in the hours before dawn, Cheney stated, “I am an Undead-American.”
BAT BOY HATES PROP 8
NEW YORK, NY – Bat Boy was spotted taking part in Proposition 8 protests this past weekend.
EHARMONY REFUSES INTER-SPECIES MATCHES
PASADENA, CA – eHarmony has once again come under serious scrutiny. Critics of the popular dating site allege that it does not allow for humans to be paired up with aliens.
WORLD'S FATTEST CAT HEATS UP 'TOP CHEF'
NEW YORK, NY – Tonya, the World’s Fattest Cat, continues her successful string of reality TV appearances by starring on the hit cooking competition show, Top Chef.