SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Weekly World News is proud to announce the birth of PhD Ape’s first gorilla child!
Little PhD Ape Jr. is the first baby gorilla to be born at the San Francisco Zoo, where Phd Ape’s wife Monifa was residing in preparation of the birth. Her en suite cage came complete with wooden flooring, a banana tree and two giant plasma TV screens.
PhD Ape was returning from coaching OJ Simpson in Las Vegas when his wife went into labor, but charged into the cage just as Junior popped out.
The proud father was overwhelmed as he was speaking with reporters, tearing up while stating, “I feel no shame in crying over this wonderful event. They say that only real men cry, and apes should not be an exception to the rule. I will make every effort to raise my son as an emotionally healthy primate!”
The zoo released video of the day-old ape, being watched over by a technician while his mother received her complimentary tummy tuck.

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