NEW YORK, NY – Holiday shoppers at Macy’s Department Store were surprised this week when PhD Ape brought his son and niece to meet Santa for the first time.
Carl Woodward
ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS, SENATE!
ST. PAUL, MN – Minnesotans have turned to schoolyard protocol in a last ditch effort to solve their Senate conundrum.
MADOFF SPENDS HANNUKAH WITH ALIEN
PALM SPRINGS, FL – Continuing a terrible holiday season, Bernard Madoff was forced to celebrate Hannukah with an unlikely Jew – The Alien!
ALIENS USING KOTA TOYS TO DESTROY EARTH
TOKYO, JAPAN – Just days before Christmas, evidence has been found that exposes an alien plot to destroy the Earth and enslave mankind – using toys!
PhD APE BUMPS INTO SPITZER
FT. LAUDERDALE, FL – During a short break from counseling Madoff investment victims, PhD Ape ran into a client begging for help – Elliot Spitzer!
PRESIDENT DODGES ALIEN SHOES
WASHINGTON, DC – President Bush’s unlucky week continued as another shoe wielding reporter attacked him at an intergalactic press junket.
PhD APE TO COUNSEL SCAM VICTIMS
PALM BEACH, FL – In a move surprising many of his fans and clients, PhD Ape is traveling to Florida in light of the Madoff investment scam – to meet with the victims!
COOPER COURTED BY SHARK
ATLANTA, GA – Following a trip to Australia where Anderson Cooper taped a shark special, he was treated to a surprise guest in the studio.
OBAMA DENIED AREA 51
LAS VEGAS, NV – President-Elect Obama’s streak of intergalactic bad luck continues this week as the Installation Commander of Area 51 refused to hand over the keys.
RAHMBO VS BLAGO
CHICAGO, IL – Sources inside the Obama Transition Team have confirmed that Rahm Emanuel tipped off FBI to Governor Rod Blagojevich’s schemes as payback.