ED ANGER SAYS: A LITTLE LEAD NEVER HURT ANYBODY

I’m pig biting mad about all the crazy news this week! I’m sick of that crazy baby machine lady with the big lips. I’m sick of movie stars talking about how brave they are for making a movie about some pansy thirty years after he died.

PRO-OBAMA MCCAIN A POD PERSON

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WASHINGTON, DC – In a shocking move, John McCain supported President Obama’s Iraq troop withdrawal plan, confirming recent allegations – McCain is an alien pod person!

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NEW AGE DEAL PUTS PSYCHICS TO WORK

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WASHINGTON, DC – The economic recovery plan put forward by the Obama administration includes an initiative to employ as many as five hundred psychics.

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JENNIFER SIEBEL NEWSOM’S THREESOME

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Long running Internet rumors have been confirmed as the wife of San Francisco mayor Gavin Newsom’s acting debut hits shelves this week, featuring a steamy love scene “with a twist”: a supernatural threesome!