LOS ANGELES – Marisa Miller is giving up her career as a supermodel so she can become a Catholic nun.
PORTLAND, OR – Justin Beaver, the beaver born with the face of Justin Beiber, was found today in a stream bed outside Portland.
AUSTRIA – In a secret swap on the tarmac of the Vienna airport, Russia and the United States returned their respective spies: Vladmir Putin and Sarah Palin.
New York, NY – Christie’s is auctioning off the belongings of movie cowboy Roy Rogers – including the preserved remains of his famous horse, Trigger.
LOS ANGELES – The Alien Mothership hovering above Los Angeles finally had enough of Mel Gibson’s racist tirades and has called him back home.
Bella may prefer Edward to Jacob, but when it comes to Kristen Stewart, she’s Team Alien all the way.
BREAKING – Washington, D.C. The White House announced this morning that they will be putting Bat Boy in charge of the newly created “Perfect Citizen” cyber program.
LOS ANGELES – Judge Marsha Revel threw tarballs at Lindsay Lohan’s while sentencing her to jail.
PHILADELPHIA, PA – As temperatures neared 100 Monday, after hovering in the high 90s during the week, a Southside alien was taken to Mercy Hospital suffering from heatstroke.