NEW YORK, NY –  Americans haven’t been able to give their money to Tony Robbins since his  last book/CD in 2006, but the giant is awakened.   He’s back for more!
The filthy rich, self-help guru and motivational speaker, Tony Robbins, who turned 50 this year, is in need of more “personal power” because it’s been a while since he got Americans to give him their money.  He’s back on track now with a prime-time NBC show, and he hopes to get rich and happy by selling more books, CDs and seminars to people who want to learn how to get rich and happy and who want to…  “have a breakthrough!”
Robbins, whose book Awaken The Giant Within (1992) was a best-seller, actually became a real giant, due to his overactive thyroid. His face and hands are overly large and he’s now a foot taller than Yao Ming.  Small children tend to run away screaming when they see the Robbins Monster.  Robbins says these children “have pea brains and lack a strong inner core.”  But he still wants them to take his seminars.
On each weekly edition of his reality show, the gigantic Robbins tries to help different people who are in “crisis.” On one show he flies by private jet and limo to help Ron and Marie Stegner of Bohemia, NY.  Ron lost his job and invested their savings in a business venture that failed, and now they spend much of their time arguing about how to put their life  back together.  Who better to help than Robbins?  He tells Ron and Marie that all will be better if they just give him the rest of whatever money and belongings they have left – then, and only then, will they be able to regain their inner strength and… “have a breakthrough!”
Sheila Maloney of Kansas City, MO watched an episode with WWN.  When the show ended Sheila said, “He’s got the best teeth in the world! I want teeth like that. Big, white teeth. Can I get them?”  WWN told Sheila that Robbins has promised everyone who takes his weekend seminar that if they had the “passion” they could leave the weekend with big, white teeth.  “Guaranteed.”   Sheila went to the weekend seminar but was hospitalized after she got third-degree burns on her feet when attempting to walk on hot coals.  Robbins said that Sheila “wasn’t focused.”
Robbins latest book that he wants you to buy in order to make your life better – right now! – is entitled  Inner Strength: Harnessing the Power of Your Six Primal Needs.   Here are the primal needs as outlined in the book.
1) The need to give money to Tony so he can buy more houses.
2) The need to give money to Tony so he can eat in five-star restaurants.
3) The need to give money to Tony so he can meet more celebrities and politicians.
4) The need to give money to Tony so he can get divorced again.
5) The need to give money to Tony so that he can be more famous than Jesus.
6) The need to give money to Tony so that he can tell you to give him more money.
It’s bound to be a best seller, because Oprah loves it!
Here’s some of Tony’s quotes.  Study them carefully, use them as daily mantras.  If you don’t feel more powerful after using them on a daily basis , then there’s something wrong with your inner core  and if you sign up for Tony’s seminars whatever is wrong with your inner core can be fixed.
From the gigantic brain of Tony Robbins:
— “If you can’t, you must. If you must, you can”
— “It’s not knowing what to do, it’s doing what you know”
— “If you’re down, then you can go up, because if you’re up you look down.”
— “Most people fail in life because they major in minor things.”
–“If you think you’re small be big, if you think you’re big then get small.”
–“Buy low, sell high, get high sell low!”
What are you waiting for?  Get off your butt and put some Tony in your life!
Here’s a taste of Tony.  If you like what you see, send him money:  If you don’t like what you see… send him money.   Have a breakthrough!

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