PANAMA CITY, FL – Tiger Woods finalized his divorce , then bought this $30 million dollar bikini. Who’s the lucky girl?
Frank Lake
THE BOWL OF JOHN AND YOKO
LIVERPOOL – John Lennon’s toilet goes on sale today. Fans are flush with porcelain dreams.
FRESHMAN 15 NOW FRESHMAN 50
SAN ANTONIO – Medical researchers have determined that college freshmen will gain, on average, 50 pounds.
KHLOE KARDASHIAN PREGNANT WITH ALIEN BABY
LOS ANGELES – Khloe Kardashian revealed on her reality show tonight that she was impregnated by an alien.
RUSSIAN SPIES TAKE MIAMI BEACH
MIAMI – Sexy Russian spies boldly paraded through Miami in their red bikinis. The FBI is hot on their tail.
OBAMAS GO TO BURNING MAN
BLACK ROCK CITY – The Obamas flew away from Martha’s Vineyard today to attend Burning Man.
NEW NBC SITCOM: DR. LAURA'S FRIENDS
HOLLYWOOD – Dr. Laura has inked a deal for a new NBC sitcom. She’s starring with her black friend and her gay friend.
