A new Pew Research Poll reveals that 19% of American teens are vampires.
In a national survey of those ages 12-17, conducted on landline and cell phones, the Pew Research Center’s American Life Project found:
* 24% of teens ages 12-17 say they have trouble sleeping at night
* 29% have panic attacks when they are out in the sun
* 18% smell like lavender
* 19% have fangs
* 39% have bedrooms painted black.
The Pew Research Center’s conclusion: 19% of all American teens are vampires.
With the vampire craze at full boil due to the Twilight Saga, True Blood and the Vampire Diaries, many think that this vampire fixation is just a fad or trend. But it’s not.
More teens today are, in fact, vampires. Professor Chris Rigaux, Professor of Vampiric Studies at Harvard was not surprised by the findings. “Vampires have lived among human beings for centuries. Many vampires become dormant in their adult years, but when they are teens – they are fully evolved. I think this study falls in line with my research. More and more vampires are revealing themselves to the public.”
Most parents don’t mind that their teens are vampires. “Whatever. I was a teen once. If she wants to suck blood from boys (or girls), that’s up to her. We used to suck on bongs. It’s a generational thing,” said Missy Bonderson,41, of Asheville, North Carolina.
“I’m glad to know that I’m not alone,” said Casey Shotz, 15, of Minneapolis. I know from birth that I was a vampire. I had my first fang before I had my first tooth.” Todd Larkin, 16, of Portland, Maine said, “I have a never-ending hunger that can’t be filled, no matter how much mortal food I consume. I stay up until the sun rises and I hate going outside. Am I vampire? I don’t know, but will you let me suck on your neck?”
Some teens claim to be “super-vamps”. Isabella Thompson, 14, of Reseda, CA told WWN, “garlic and silver have no effect on me. I hate going out in the sun, and I hate doing religious things.” Jessica Cox, 16, of Plano, TX said, “I never feel weak, scared, or drained. I’m really strong. When I see blood, something inside me just comes to life. I love meat, especially rare steak. I have never broken a bone, nor been injured severely at all, apart from some stitches and a cracked fang. ”
What should parents do if their teen is a vampire? “Leave them alone. Don’t go in their room. Don’t upset them,” said Professor Rigaux. “The best way for adults to handle this situation is let their teen vampires be teen vampires.” Asked whether he thought vampires were a threat to the safety of Americans, Rigaux said, “Well, I’m a vampire myself, so I’d say no, we are not a threat at all. But if there’s a blood shortage, look out.”
Considering 1 in 5 teens are vampires, of course the other 4 in 5 are jealous and want to be part of the “in” crowd. But they won’t ever be real vampires. You have to be born a vampire. So they are left with just trying to “look” like vampires.
Here a popular video on how to look like a vampire (for those teens that aren’t):
Are YOU a vampire?
22 thoughts on “STUDY: 1 IN 5 AMERICAN TEENS IS A VAMPIRE”
Tsk, tsk – the headline should read "1 In 5 American Teens IS A Vampire." To say that "1 … ARE vampires," when 1, which is always singular, is the subject of the headline ("teens" is secondary), is a huge grammatical no-no. 1 in 5 people know THAT.
-Count Rolli <a href="http://www.twitter.com/rolliwrites” target=”_blank”>www.twitter.com/rolliwrites
Hmmm…. 4 in 5 people would have seen that we have the correct headline… 🙂
Maybe Ed Anger can do a show on how to look like a vampire with Bat Boy as guest??? That could get Bat Boy on the cover of Rolling Stone next to team Jacob
can u plz tell me how to check whether m a vampire or normal human being…. there r some part which r true for me like i hate sunlight.. i cant sleep in night…
You are all friggin psyco paths! i love twilight and ive read all the books including the short second life of bree tanner about 10 times over but no way any1 can be a vampire . team edward! :B WOOP!
of course there are vampires, manigators, big foot, big fingers…
they don't just make this stuff up
I smoothed emmett cullen right over the other nite. rosalie must be pure raged!my period is 5 days late . omg! could it be? im havin a half vampire half human baby called daniellesme! yes!
I know teens can suck blood but that doesn't make them vampires.
Friggin' loonies…and to think…these are the next generation of parents, teachers, world leaders, etc. No wonder our world is doomed. I believe there are some serious mental issues with folks who think like this and believe they are vampires. These kids need help.
I thought teens were werewolves!
In the light of common man a vampires are gay because of sexual supremacy which is beyond the physical reality in instinct; In reality they are not gay due to earned sexual supremacy beyond common human instincts. A dangerous land to delve even as a fantasy as it's often the case in the modern world. Can you subject a vampire to earthbond sexual love? Perhaps only temporarily if possible, not at a later time for they earn a certain mastery in sexual love that cannot be understood nor controlled by human common ways. The average human's sexual nature being earthbound is inferior to the vampire, it's the undivided human sexually or you might say self preserved one that can become a big deal sexually to the vampire gradually.
I see a lack of direction and sexual maturity in youngsters today as to be self-driven and humanly ccontented as natural beings, sorry about this!
Gay vampires? There are no gay vampires.
This is terrible. 1 in 5 American teens is insane. It's called Reinfeld's Syndrome.
Kallie, the teens aren't insane. They're VAMPIRES. Do not worry, they will out grow it. I think.
I'm not sure if vampires are real or not but i'm getting convinced they are because my friend is super pale gets a sunburn super easily i rarely see her eat and when she does its usually meat and before i noticed all this me and her did this little exchange blood thing so we cud become blood sisters and around 2 weeks later now im super pale cant sleep at night get headaches when im in the sun and keep having cravings for medium rare steak lol idk whats happining but its weird
The Greater League of Official Monsters(GLoOM) has declared that wannabe vampires are to be called vampyres.
You may find fads of many kinds everywhere; the vamp is interesting because of deep passionate sexual love beyond the physical reality that most humans think it's gay, but in fact not gay, it's super-human unlike narrowly fixed gay-love. Gay or classic homosexual sex-love is enemy to the real vamp because it cuts the vamp down to earth-bound ways real fast., why? Hummph, you'll know! There is a level in consciousness which vamps discover that breaks the human chemistry barriers immaterial. Some vamps may have fangs, some do not, it's not really important, also real vamps live very secretly, and may have enough training to be out in the day-light. Sacred ornaments may mean nothing depending in the training the vamp may have. The huge problem in the hunting for vamps is in the ignorance of the hunter, very dangerous people who no nothing about real vamps except for systematic ways must be stopped. Dangerous fad it is due to hunters that can kill you the normal human.
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