HOUSTON, TX – Amazed scientists have discovered two new planets 1,300 light-years away, and one of them is the exact twin of Earth in every detail.
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200,000 YEAR OLD STATUE FOUND ON MOON
WASHINGTON, DC – A noted scientist has just produced proof that the lunar surface was inhabited by intelligent life: a 10-inch angel sculpture embedded in a moon rock.
EDGAR MITCHELL BELIEVES IN ALIEN LIFE
GAITHERSBURG, MD – Former astronaut Edgar Mitchell stated at a UFO conference that extraterrestrial life exists and the government is actively covering it up.
ED ANGER SAYS: HIPPIES CAUSED GLOBAL WARMING!
I’m as frustrated as a pygmy at a Knicks game! Those damn hippies told us pollution was bad. They made us stop littering – which took the fun out of family car trips!
MARS FACE FOUND UNDER POLAR ICE CAP
FRANKFURT – German and American scientists have found a stone face under polar ice that’s identical to the stone face on Mars!
ED ANGER SAYS: SHUT DOWN NASA!
I’d be pig-biting mad but I can’t afford a hog – or a new set of dentures!
OBAMA DENIED AREA 51
LAS VEGAS, NV – President-Elect Obama’s streak of intergalactic bad luck continues this week as the Installation Commander of Area 51 refused to hand over the keys.
Austrians Find Spaceship Repair Manual
Austrians claim to have found a UFO repair manual that will help them master intergalactic flight by 2012!
Dinosaurs Found on Mars
NASA’s Mars Lander has transmitted a photograph of a super-sized dinosaur standing on the surface of Mars