JACKSONVILLE, FL – Rick Warren was attacked by the half-alligator mutant Manigator at a press conference earlier today.
Mutants
MERPEOPLE TO BUY CONEY ISLAND
NEW YORK, NY – New York state, desperate for money, has agreed to sell Coney Island to the Merpeople.
PhD APE BUMPS INTO SPITZER
FT. LAUDERDALE, FL – During a short break from counseling Madoff investment victims, PhD Ape ran into a client begging for help – Elliot Spitzer!
PhD APE TO COUNSEL SCAM VICTIMS
PALM BEACH, FL – In a move surprising many of his fans and clients, PhD Ape is traveling to Florida in light of the Madoff investment scam – to meet with the victims!
BROWNS COACH MISSING
CLEVELAND, OH – The Cleveland Browns are on the look-out for a new leader after Coach Crennel went missing under supernatural circumstances.
"MANIGATOR DUNDEE" SNUBBED
OSCEOLA, FL – Manigator, the half-man half-alligator mutant, was outraged this week that his debut movie was passed over by the Golden Globes.
BATNEY'S BACK AT NO. 1
NEW YORK, NY – Britney Spears’ “Circus” has topped the charts this week, and she is ready to celebrate!
BAT BOY MILK
SENECA FALLS, W.VA – America’s favorite mutant was spotted in line this weekend to see the movie Milk.
PhD APE HEADS TO VEGAS
LAS VEGAS, NV – Following a 13-day trial and 13 hours of jury deliberation, OJ Simpson was convicted on 11 varying charges.
MILEY CYRUS AND FATFOOT DUET
HOLLYWOOD, CA – In order to redeem her public image, Miley Cyrus has recorded a duet with Fatfoot for charity.