Bella may prefer Edward to Jacob, but when it comes to Kristen Stewart, she’s Team Alien all the way.
Frank Lake
BAT BOY PUT IN CHARGE OF U.S. CYBER COMMAND
BREAKING – Washington, D.C. The White House announced this morning that they will be putting Bat Boy in charge of the newly created “Perfect Citizen” cyber program.
JUDGE THROWS TARBALLS AT LOHAN
LOS ANGELES – Judge Marsha Revel threw tarballs at Lindsay Lohan’s while sentencing her to jail.
GORE STRONG ENOUGH TO BE CROW'S MAN
WORLD EXCLUSIVE – Weekly World News has learned that Al Gore has not been having an affair with Laurie David for the past two years, but instead has been involved with rocker Sheryl Crow.
ALIEN IN PHILLY SUFFERS HEATSTROKE
PHILADELPHIA, PA – As temperatures neared 100 Monday, after hovering in the high 90s during the week, a Southside alien was taken to Mercy Hospital suffering from heatstroke.
ALIEN TELLS LARRY KING TO LEAVE CNN
BREAKING – On the advice of an alien, CNN host Larry King announced that he will be leaving his nightly talk show this Fall.
LADY GAGA FOUND IN SEINFELD’S HOUSE
EAST HAMPTON, NY – Lady Gaga was thrown out Santos Party House in New York City last night and this morning was found in Jerry Seinfeld’s house in East Hampton.
GOOGLE SAYS: "HORSEBOY LIVES!"
ABERDEEN, UK – Mr. Russell Moffatt in Hardgate was on his way to an appointment with his ophthalmologist when he spotted a five-foot tall boy with a horse’s head.
NY CABBIES TO GET BULLET PROOF VESTS
NEW YORK – Mayor Bloomberg announced that all New York cab drivers will be issued bullet proof vests.
MONSTER SNOWSTORM
WASHINGTON – The biggest snowstorm in the history of the U.S. will wallop the entire country on Groundhog’s Day. President Obama has declared a national emergency.