Chicago, IL — Last night a brave South Side fireman took on the Chicago River Monster, who had been dormant for the last fifty-seven years.
Mutants
BAT BOY PUT IN CHARGE OF U.S. CYBER COMMAND
BREAKING – Washington, D.C. The White House announced this morning that they will be putting Bat Boy in charge of the newly created “Perfect Citizen” cyber program.
PLUM ISLAND ANIMAL DISEASE CENTER
LONG ISLAND – Yesterday an explosion rocked the Plum Island Animal Disease Center. The cause of the explosion is unknown, but it was heard as far as North Hampton.
TWO-HEADED NIGHTINGALE
Conjoined twins Millie and Christine McCoy were born slaves, but the sisters became such successful entertainers that they bought the plantation where they were born!
LIL’ KIM’S DANCING WITH THE STARS SECRET
LOS ANGELES, CA – Lil’ Kim may be performing on “Dancing with the Stars” with a human, but insiders revealed that Kim spent weeks practicing with a mutant dancer!
NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS
NEW YORK, NY – To welcome in the new year, Weekly World News flew in some of the years biggest shakers and news makers for a holiday party.
BAT BOY HATES PROP 8
NEW YORK, NY – Bat Boy was spotted taking part in Proposition 8 protests this past weekend.
MICHELLE LOVES OBATMA
KANSAS CITY, MO – At a Kansas City rally, Michelle Obama brought Obatma on stage and proudly accepted him into the Obama family. During a Vote for Change rally, Michelle spoke about her passion for helping American families thrive. “Policies that support families aren’t political issues. They’re personal. They’re the causes I carry with me … READ MORE
UPDATE: HALF-HUMAN FISH ORIGINS
BREAKING NEWS: In a new study, scientists are researching the missing link between fish and land animals.