SAN FRANCISCO, CA – It was revealed this week that cancer survivor and Apple CEO Steve Jobs was undergoing hormone therapy to counteract his notable weight loss.
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HAY-ADAMS HOTEL DENIES OBATMA
WASHINGTON, DC -Obatma’s visit to see his half-brother Barack Obama was shot down by an overzealous security guard.
BIGFOOT TWITTER HACKED
BLUE MOUNTAINS, OR – After a spate of high-profile Twitter accounts were hacked, the world’s most famous cryptid became the next victim.
UPDATE: MACWORLD THREATENED BY DEATH RAY
UPDATE: Death-ray-wielding open source software supporters are expected to crash the MacWorld convention in San Francisco.
ALIEN ENERGY BURNS RICHARDSON
SANTA FE, NM – Ties to an alien energy company have resulted in Governor Bill Richardson removing his name for consideration as future Commerce Secretary.
CHARLES BARKLEY JOYRIDE
PHOENIX, AZ – Charles Barkley was spotted on another law-breaking ride, with a familiar passenger in tow!
CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON SPOTTED!
ST. BART – Several eyewitnesses have confirmed reports that the legendary Creature from the Black Lagoon is on the loose in St. Bart!
NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS
NEW YORK, NY – To welcome in the new year, Weekly World News flew in some of the years biggest shakers and news makers for a holiday party.
SELF-PARKING CAR SECRET
DETROIT, MI – After announcing new “self-parking” cars, reports have emerged about the source of the revolutionary technology – goblins!