MARDI GRAS BANS MUTANT
NEW ORLEANS, LA – After an altercation with police Monday night, the half-man half-alligator mutant Manigator has been banned from Tuesday’s Mardi Gras celebrations.
Monthly Archives: February 2009
COMET LULIN APPROACHES
BERKELEY, CA – A super-intelligent race of intergalactic tennis aficionados is lobbing an easy one at planet Earth to determine who gets first serve.
DEMON ICE CREAM FOUND!
MILAN, MI – A Weekly World News reader sent in this chilling discovery: possessed ice cream!
SOPHIA LOREN UNDEAD?
LOS ANGELES, CA – Sophia Loren was summoned to present at the 81st Academy Awards last night, but many of the younger actresses were warned to stay away.
OSCARS MONTAGE BOMBS
LOS ANGELES, CA – Hollywood’s biggest night was marred by its own vanity when a 32-minute tribute video put most of its celebrity audience to sleep!
JIM MORRISON ALIVE, FOR NCAA PLAYOFFS
BAKERSFIELD, CA – College students, on a thesis roadtrip of area meth labs, uncovered something unexpected.
ED ANGER SAYS: GET ME TO GITMO
I’m madder than a terrorist with a plugged up toilet about Guantanamo Bay!
WEEKLY HOROSCOPE: FEBRUARY 23, 2009
Your Weekly Star Guide By Madame Malisa Renowned medium & psychic ARIES Mar. 21 – Apr. 19 Don’t give up! The goal you’ve been working toward…
SWEARING AT GOD IS GOOD FOR YOUR HEALTH
BALTIMORE, MD – A recently completed study has shown that profanity leveled at deities can extend your lifespan.
STANFORD FOUND BY BAT BOY
ARLINGTON, VA – Billionaire-on-the-run Allen Stanford has been located and taken into custody, all thanks to Bat Boy.
