HOUSTON – President Obama is dismantling the U.S. Space Program, but NASA is in desperate need of astronauts.
Year: 2011
MICHAEL BUBLE STALKING KIM KARDASHIAN
LOS ANGELES – Kim Kardashian has filed a restraining order against Michael Buble, who seems to be obsessed with the reality star.
ALIENS BUILDING CAMPS IN GOBI DESERT
BEIJING – U.N. Extraterrestrial experts have confirmed that aliens are setting up camps in the Gobi desert – and they are growing by the day.
JENNIFER LOPEZ TO MARRY 24-YEAR OLD
LOS ANGELES – Jennifer Lopez turned into a cougar after her divorce from Marc Anthony – and now she’s going to marry her cougar catch.
SUPER MARIO TAKES OVER ITALY
MILAN — Super Mario has been tapped to be Italy’s next premier. Super Mario is ready to bring Italy back to greatness!
OBAMA CANCELS 2012 ELECTIONS
WASHINGTON – President Obama announced yesterday that he is canceling the 2012 elections, due to the jobs crisis. 
PATERNO TO COACH BALL STATE
MUNCIE, IN – Sources say that Joe Paterno has accepted the head coaching job at Ball State.
JERRY SANDUSKY CHANGES NAME TO JERRY TOLEDO
STATE COLLEGE, PA – Coach Jerry Sandusky, recently arrested for child rape, has changed his name to Jerry Toledo.
11.11.11 — JOY TO THE WORLD!
Numerologists, philosophers, astronomers and psychics all agree – 11.11.11 begins a rebirth on earth!
CANADIAN LOCH NESS MONSTER SPOTTED!
LAKE OKANAGA, BC – There was a major sighting of Canada’s version of the Loch Ness Monster in British Columbia!