NEW JERSEY –  A rare mutation happened to Fred Alan on the way to his Thanksgiving feast.  His head turned into a Tuna!
Last week, Fred Allan, an angler who went missing three miles off the coast of New Jersey, was spotted in Jersey City on his way to a Thanksgiving feast.
Fred sat through his Thanksgiving meal with his family without them noticing that his head was had turned into a tuna. But his family has never paid much attention to Fred.   He left with his turkey leftovers.
It wasn’t until he was walking home when a little boy, Chucky Thompson, saw Fred on the street and screamed, “Your head is a tuna fish!”  Fred quickly put his hands to his head and realized that Chucky was right.  Not only was he shocked to learn he had a tuna head, but also Fred realized that his hands were missing as well.  See:

Fred went to see Dr. Chris Rigaux, a marine biologist who specializes in mutations,  sea water fish and heads.  Dr. Rigaux said that this has happened several times before in Tuna History.  “In 1876 a woman, Janice Ross, went fishing with her son off the coast of Virginia.  They caught some bluefin tuna on their own and were happy for their good fortune.  But on the way back, her son, Robert, realized that his mother’s head had turned into a tuna.
“Thinking that his mother was being attacked by an angry tuna, Robert tried to knock the tuna off his mother’s head with a broken oar.  He killed the tuna, but also bashed in his mother’s skull at the same time.  It was a sad day off Virginia Beach.”
Fred Alan was originally told that if he waited a few days and made sure he did not watch “Deadliest Catch”  –  his head might return to normal.  But now… it looks like he will be half-tuna, half-man for the foreseeable future.
Fred was seen walking around Journal Square in Jersey City earlier today.  He was greeting passengers on the Path train – telling them that the bluefin tuna was in danger of going extinct.  He was not warmly received – and several Path passengers grabbed fishing poles, tried to reel him in.  Though my hook caught him temporarily, he got away.
Authorities fear that an angry Fred may go out and try to attack tuna eaters in Jersey City and across the state.  Nobody has seen him in twenty-five hours.  Is he planning an attack?  Is he in hiding?   Is there enough mayo in town to handle Fred?
WWN will, or course, keep you updated on the whereabouts of Fred Alan – Tuna Boy.

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21 thoughts on “TUNA BOY”

  1. Pingback: Anonymous
  2. Dude, they're channeling The Onion. Just go with it! Come back with a hip reference to Barnes and Barnes and get on with your life!

  3. Do you think we're stupid enough to believe this without some further third party verification?? Don't underestimate the intellect of your readership!! Give us some input from the Center for Disease Control, (located in Atlanta, GA), or some other prestigious concern!
    I remain,
    William J. Bradley

  4. to frank lake. ive been reading a few of your articles and all i have to say is wow your an idiot.
    think ill only come to this site again if i feel like laughing


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